


A new life

by Milady29



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Long-Distance Relationship, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2019-10-22 11:42:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 15,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17661932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milady29/pseuds/Milady29
Summary: Matthew Casey feels lost after it feels like his life his falling apart. Not sure where his life is going and what he wants, he decides to go on a long hiking trip, wanting to clear his head. He and Kelly are growing closer, but are they ready to jump into the deep end? What will the trip mean for them?





	1. The Airport

With a deep sigh, Matthew Casey put the last bit of his stuff he wanted to take with him in his backpack. In only four hours he would get on an intercontinental flight. It had seemed like a great idea, but now he wasn’t sure what to think anymore.

He was nervous, checking multiple times if his passport was in his bag. Kelly had had a laugh when Matt had admitted that he did not have one, but Kelly had helped him apply for one. It was nice, all the time they had spend together planning this trip and all the help Kelly had given him. But it was something he had to do alone now.

A car honked outside, Matt hoisting the bag on his back as he walked outside. Kelly was waiting for him in the car, looking as Matt was locking the door. Throwing his bag in his the back of the car, he walked towards the passenger side and sat down in the car. He looked at Kelly, feeling a bit sad knowing he was leaving him to go on his trip.

He knew that the trip would be good for him, and honestly something he really needed, but he was sad leaving Kelly behind. The last few weeks they had been spending a lot of time together and he was going to miss Kelly while he was gone.

‘’Hey.’’

Kelly wanted to reach out, kissing him on his cheek but Matt dodged it, not wanting to give into Kelly, cause he knew when he did there was no going back, and he probably would never get on the flight.

‘’Excited to go to the airport?’’ Kelly pretended like nothing had happened.

‘’Could’ve taken the L.’’ Matt admitted.

‘’When you are leaving the country for five weeks? No way.’’ Kelly said as he started the car and the old timer pulled away from the parking spot, making its way towards the airport.

Kelly kept looking at Matt, knowing that he was going to miss him so much for the next few weeks. Looking at him every time he did not have to look at the road, he looked at Matt, looking at him every second, taking in him all of him. Missing him would he bad, but he knew the trip would be great for Matt. He needed some to think, work out his life and going some confidence.

Parking the car, he wanted to carry Matt’s back for him but Matt quickly took it back from him. Walking towards the airport, Kelly wanted to take Matt’s hand, but he was worried how Matt would react to it.

Walking with Matt towards security, he was not sure what to say.

‘’Alright, guess I’ll see you in a few weeks.’’ Matt said, swinging the large backpack back on his back. Kelly hugged him, pulling him against him, kissing him on his cheek. 

‘’Kel – please don’t.’’ Matt sighed. Although he did enjoy it, he was not ready to give into these feelings.  He wasn’t ready to have his heart broken again.

‘’Alright, I will save the kisses for when you’re back.’’ Kelly teased him.

‘’I am going to miss you.’’ Matt admitted then.

‘’I am really going to miss you too.’’ Kelly smiled. ‘’It is only 5 weeks though, it will be good for you, and you will have a ton of fun.’’

‘’I know, I have never left the country before though, I am a bit nervous.’’ Matt admitted.

‘’It’s going to do you good.’’ Kelly promised him again. He wanted to bent forward, kissing him on his forehead but Matt pulled back.

‘’You were saving them remember.’’ Matt mocked him.

‘’Oh piss off.’’ Kelly laughed, pulling a folded envelope from his jacket.

‘’What is that.’’

‘’Something I wrote for you. Don’t open it here, or on the plane. Save it for when you need it while you are in South America.’’ Kelly said, Matt nodding as he took it.

‘’Better not you ending your friendship with me over a letter.’’ Matt joked, although he did look slightly worried.

‘’I’d say it’s fancier than a text…but …is friends what we are?’’ Kelly teased him.

‘’For now.’’ Matt said as he tucked the letter in the pocket of his windbreaker. Tucking it in deeper, he couldn’t wait to open it, but respected Kelly’s wishes.

‘’Only a short while till my flight – guess I should go through security.’’ Matt said, only partly concerned about missing his flight. He was mostly worried about not wanting to go anymore if he looked into Kelly’s eyes any longer.

Quickly Kelly went in, kissing him on his forehead. Hoisting up his bag again, Matt started to walk towards the security now. Kelly kept waving at him and even when he was almost at the conveyor belt, he still saw his arm wave at him over the crowd.

Opening his bag, the TSA man took out a wrapped gift.

Matt groaned at the wrapped gift Kelly had snuck in his luggage, probably when Matt was still getting out of the car and Kelly had grabbed his bag from the car.

Getting through security, he sat down at one of the little coffee bars and took the wrapped present. Curious he ripped the paper off, smiling as found a picture of them recently at Molly’s. A rare moment between the two Otis had surprisingly captured on a photo. They had acted like nothing was going on between them, but on the photo where they stared deep in each other’s eyes and Kelly’s hand was slightly touching Matt’s arm just behind the table.

Putting the small picture with the letter with the pocket of his windbreaker, he opened the rest of the present. It was some soap, with a little note attached to it. About how Matt always loved to shower with it at Kelly’s place, so it would remind him of Kelly now.

Rolling his eyes he put it in his bag, starting into the distance, his hand going over his pocket every few minutes to check if the letter and the picture were still there.

Staring into the distance, he kept thinking about Kelly. He didn’t want to give into the feelings that were growing, not sure about what was going to happen.

He was so scared about being hurt again. He thought he had always known himself, but now that he was feeling head over heels for his friend he was not so sure anymore.

Kelly was driving home, the L rushing by him as he was driving, deep in thoughts. Suddenly his phone started to ring and he started pulling to the side of the road.

‘’Kel?’’

‘’I am here Matt.’’ Kelly said, worried Matt had changed his mind on the trip.

It stayed silent for a bit.

‘’Matt…’’

‘’Loved the picture you put in my bag. Gonna keep it with me during the hikes – and – and the soap, that is really helpful.’’ Matt finally spoke up.

‘’You are welcome.’’ Kell said, parking his car next to the road as he wanted to talk to Matt just a bit longer, still worried for him and even more worried about missing him.

‘’Yeah – plane is almost boarding.’’ Matt said after a few more seconds of silence.

‘’Go get on it….better not miss it.’’ Kelly laughing, Matt laughing a bit nervous.

‘’Matt?’’ Kelly asked after about a minute of silence.

‘’I am in the queue now.’’ Matt said softly.

Kelly sat in silence, hearing a little of rustling every now and then.

‘’Matt?’’

More silence, although he was pretty sure that he did hear Matt on the other side.

‘’Matt?’’

‘’Come pick me up when I get back – hope you will be saving up a lot of kisses?’’ Matt finally asked. Kelly smiling at is was the first time Matt was actively showing that he wanted Kelly in his life in a loving kind of way.

‘’Definitely.’’ Kelly promised, smiling as he had something to look forward to even more.


	2. Lima

Kelly hadn’t heard much from Matt the following days. He had gotten a text that he had landed safely and was heading towards his hostel but nothing since then.

He had tried to call, but every time he was met with the message that Matt’s number was unreachable. He figured that he might have switched off his phone to safe on roaming costs, or even just to take some time for himself and tried not to worry about it.

Every few days he popped by Casey’s house to switch the lights on and check the mail. Matt had said he could spend the night sometime to make sure the house did not appear empty, as Matt was worried his home being broken into while he was gone. But Kelly didn’t dare to. He knew he would get nosey and peek around the house, and Matt would be mad about it when he came home.

 Kelly was on shift when there was finally a sign of life from Matt, a full week after he had left.

The mail came in at the firehouse, some of it was personal mail as Otis had ordered another action figure, following by tons of teasing from Cruz.

There was also a postcard from Lima for all of them. Handing it around, Kelly got t in his hands. It was from Matt, saying hi from Lima and signing off for the next four weeks.

Everybody was excited about the card but Kelly couldn’t help but feel a bit hurt that Matt had taken the time to write this card, but not had let him know anything so far.

A bit hurt, he made his way to his office. Matt had had the time to write and send the postcard, but not to text him or give hi a call, even though he knew Kelly would be concerned about him. At least he knew that Matt was in Lima, and enjoying himself.

Sitting at his desk in the firehouse, his phone suddenly started to ring. Looking at the unknown number, he noticed it was a foreign number. Taking it, he wondered if it was just a spam call, but he was relieved when he heard a familiar voice.

‘’Kel?’’

‘’Matt!’’ Kelly sighed relieved.

‘’What is wrong?’’

‘’I was worried about you, hadn’t heard from you in 7 days!’’

‘’I was trying to get a local simcard to work…just cheaper…and easier.’’ Matt explained.

‘’But you couldn’t get it to wor-‘’

‘’No.’’ Matt chuckled softly. Kelly thought it was pretty adorable. Matt was so handy with his tools and construction, but when it came to technology he very often had to ask somebody at the firehouse.

‘’I want to come home already.’’ Matt admitted.

‘’What is wrong?’’ Kelly asked concerned as he heard Matt was choking up.

‘’I’ve been sick for 3 days now and I am not sure if it is my stomach or something I ate or if I am stressed or homesick.’’ Matt admitted and Kelly could hear him cry softly.

‘’Matt-‘’

‘’I never should have gone.’’

‘’It is brave you did. There is no shame coming home but I think you will regret it.’’

‘’I am so stupid for going, I mean – I am a Chicago guy, who did I think I was? Bear Grylls?’’ 

Kelly wasn’t sure what to say, hearing Matt cry was hurting him deeply as well.

‘’I can try and take some furlough and come too – you won’t be so alone.’’

It was quiet for a second.

‘’No.’’ Matt finally said.

‘’You will regret it if you don’t do the hikes.’’

‘’I guess so.’’  Matt sighed. He was going to do a hike through the mountains in the next few days, as well as go up to Machu Picchu in his last week. It had been his prime reason for going and Kelly felt bad knowing he didn’t want to do them now.

In silence, they just listened to each other’s breathing for about a minute, taking comfort in the fact that they were only one phone call away.

‘’Alright, I’ll do the hikes.’’

‘’How about you open my letter.’’

‘’Not yet – alright, I’ll talk to you later Kelly.’’ Matt suddenly hung up and Kelly figured that Matt’s defensive side had taken over from the vulnerability he had been showing.

Hanging up the phone, Matt dried his tears and looked around the empty hostel room. He had splurged a bit for the night and gotten a private room, as his stomach was still upset. It felt a like a defeat he had already called Kelly after a few days and even to cry.

At least he was picking up his rental car today and leaving the city and he hoped that would lift his mood a bit. As much as he had enjoyed the city, he just missed Chicago and even more, he missed Kelly.

 

* * *

 

They had just returned from a call and Kelly checked his phone, surprised to see a text from the Peruvian number Matt had called him with earlier. Opening it, there was a picture of Matt with an old, banged up pick up truck, his thumbs up and Kelly smiled. It said he would do the hikes as well, and Kelly was just glad to catch a glimpse of the boy he cared about so much. He looked good in his t-shirt, cargo shorts and hiking boots.

He had just put his phone away when another text came in.

**_Going into the mountains, reception will be spotty, don’t worry._ **

Kelly was just typing a reply when another came in.

**_Please water the plants too I forgot to ask._ **

Kelly chuckled as he had been doing it for the past few days, but he enjoyed any contact he had with Matt ow, even if it was just texting about the plants that had been more dead than alive before Matt had left either way.

**_Just go and enjoy the hikes, if you have no reception I will see you at the airport. X_ **

Kelly replied and put his phone away, but not before catching a glimpse of a final text Matt send him.

**_Thanks Kelly for everything. Can’t wait to read your letter tomorrow when I’m on the trek. x_ **


	3. Reunion?

Leaving shift, Kelly drove by Matt’s house. Unlocking it with the keys Matt had give him, he picked up the mail. It was mostly spam, so he tossed it to the side, nothing else important there.

Walking around the house, he made sure to water all the plants. The house was mostly empty after the divorce. Kelly knew Matt wanted to move away from this house and leave the memories behind, but also know that it would be too costly, as he had only gotten the house in the divorce, but lost a lot of money in the divorce.

Looking around the house, he thought of all the nights they had spend here together when Matt had been through the roughest of the divorce.

The couch reminded him of all the nights they had sat there together, Matt having called him if he could come over. The first few months in the empty house had hit him hard and most of the nights, he had called Kelly for company.

Kelly remembered the night after loud sobbing from Matt, remembering Andy, Hallie and it all becoming too much when he had fallen asleep in Kelly’s arms.

The next day he had been kicked out after breakfast, Matt not wanting to talk about it. Kelly understood it though. It was hard for him to even realize that he was really falling in love with Matt. Obviously it would be even harder for Matt after all that had happened wit the divorce.

Arriving at his own apartment and picking up his mail, it seemed he had worried for nothing at the firehouse. In-between the envelopes was also a postcard for him, from Matt. It was an even more welcome surprise than Matt having send him some pictures after he arrived at the hostel.

Smiling, he read the short message his friend had written down, that he was having a good time and he had met up with some guys from New York he knew from a CFD exchange programme. It made Kelly smile, glad that even though he had called so upset, he had not been all alone the first few days.

It almost made him a bit jealous, wishing he was there with Matt. But he also knew that it was good for Matt to be a bit alone, grow some self confidence again. Even though Matt missed Chicago, Kelly knew that it would be good for him to be away from the city as well. A lot of his childhood trauma had come out with the divorce, so he thought it would be good for Matt to get away from it all.

He just couldn’t wait to hold his friend again when he returned, hoping they would finally grow into something bigger.

 

* * *

 

Matt left the pick up truck behind, not feeling as bad as yesterday. He was glad his stomach had settled down as he had been looking forward to the hike.

Walking up the mountain path, he wasn’t sure again why he was doing this. It was hot and the sun was burning on his cap. But it was also nice to have the feeling he was alone on the planet. That he was truly alone with his thoughts.

He had all his gear on his back, and as the track would be a loop of three days long, he started to look forward to it now. Half of it he had borrowed from Kelly, the other half was given to him by the firehouse.

He was a looking forward to his next two hikes, another one in the mountains and the final one; the Inca trail up to Machu Picchu.

Feeling bad about himself since the divorce, he hoped that having such an achievement would help him feel secure about himself again.

He wanted to, and he wanted to dive in head first with Kelly again, but he was so scared as well.

By the time he settled down for lunch, it felt like he had made as much sense as he could about the divorce in his head. Even though he had moved on, it had been stinging in the back of his mind. Not because he missed ex-wife, but because he had kept wondering what he had done wrong, and if he would do it wrong again when he did decide to jump into the deep end with Kelly.

Taking the letter from his pocket, he finally opened the envelope that Kelly had given him at O’hare. Slipping out the letter, he couldn’t help but smile at the scraggly handwriting. The handwriting that was so familiar. The one that lit up his days when he hadn’t been able to get out of bed, so shook up and sad by the divorce, and the whole plan of having a family had disappeared right before his eyes.

Smiling, he didn’t just read the words, but they seemed to sink into his heart. Thinking for a second about running down the hill, back to his car and rushing back to the hostel to call Kelly, he decided not to, probably mostly because he wouldn’t make much sense.

Sitting on the rock, he wiped the tears from his eyes, but for the first time in a long time they were happy tears.

The love and respect he had longed for and missed so much were all written down in this one letter. It was like Kelly had written the perfect word, ever, every single time.

Putting the letter back in his pocket, checking three times if he had really closed his pocket, he packed up his gear again and continued walking, hoping he could put his feelings into words as well as Kelly had done, hoping that when he finished this hike, he could finally confess his love as well.

Continuing walking, the future finally seemed bright.

 

* * *

 

He stood in the gift shop for a minute, thinking of buying some flowers for Matt. He was worried that Matt wouldn’t like it all.

Walking towards the arrival gate, he checked his watch. He was still early, but the last thing he wanted was for Matt to arrive earlier and missing him. Waiting by the fence, he felt giddy. He would finally see his Matt again after 5 weeks and 4 weeks of no contact. He was so excited. After he had started his hikes, they had not been in contact, but he blamed it on Matt’s poor reception.

People were trickling through the doors and Kelly waited, excited. The screen said that his plane had landed and his luggage was on the belt, so he could walk through the doors any minute.

But the minutes passed, and Matt was nowhere to be seen.

Waiting another half hour, he started to get a bit more concerned. He even started to get a bit angry now. The plane had arrived, and he had seen people pass with the ticket around their suitcase implying there were on the same plane. Sitting down and waiting for a while longer, the arrival hall started to become empty as midnight was approaching, but Matt was nowhere to be seen.

He started to get a bad feeling about it, feeling that Matt might actually not be coming.

Tears in his eyes, he grabbed his phone, hoping there would be a text he was held up at customs or something.

But nothing.

Disappointed, he tried to call Matt’s phone. It was connecting, but Matt did not take of the phone. Trying his American number, it was unreachable.

He had not heard from Matt since he had talked about opening the letter, and he was worried he had scared him off now.

He kept sitting in the arrival hall, but nowhere during the night did he get reunited with the person he was waiting so desperately for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got into the writing rythm with this story so hope you dont mind another update! Please let me know what you thought and hopefully till next chapter!


	4. Bugs

Tears were burning Kelly’s eyes as he was starting to drive to Casey’s house.

 From the airport he made his way to Matt’s house straight away, hoping that for some reason, Matt had been on an earlier flight and was waiting for him there.

Wanting to unlock the door, he hoped Matt would be home after all. Running inside, he was met by a banner welcoming Matt home, but the banner obviously belonged to the woman and the young girl on the couch. Christie looked at Kelly, startled, Violet asleep with her head on her mom’s lap.

‘’Where is Matt?’’

‘’I don’t know, prick ditched us all!’’ Kelly said angry. Violet stirred for a second and Christie carefully laid her down on the couch, walking to the kitchen to talk.

‘’Kelly – he wasn’t on the plane?’’

‘’No.’’ Kelly shook his head.

‘’Do you know why.’’

‘’No, but I think I messed it up. I gave him this letter, letting him know how much I love and adore him – I think I scared him off.’’ Kelly said, his voice chocking a bit. ‘’I have not heard from him since he read that letter.’’

Tears were filling his eyes and the last thing he wanted was to cry in front of Matt’s sister. But he felt bad and felt like he was to blame for Matt not coming home. Groaning a bit, laying his hand over his eyes, he tried to stop from crying.

‘’Kelly, hey.’’ Christie said as she laid her hand against his shoulder. ‘’He called us – the same day he read the letter. He loved that letter, I don’t think you scared him off.’’

Looking at Christie, he looked a bit surprised.

‘’He didn’t call me-‘’

‘’It is the last I heard from him was that day because it was Violet’s birthday. His reception was really bad, he told me about the letter though and he couldn’t wait to talk to you about it.‘’

Kelly nodded just a bit, even though he was still worried that Matt was upset with him for the letter. He knew that his friend was not ready for a new relationship, and he wanted to give Matt the time he needed but he was still worried about it being too much.

‘’Let’s give him a few hours, maybe he overslept or something silly.’’ Christie tried to calm his nerves, Kelly nodding just a bit.

 

* * *

 

They waited for 48 hours, not hearing anything from Matt still. Kelly got more and more worried with the minute. They had hoped he would contact them within a few hours, them finding out that something silly had happened, like him missing his flight.

But even after 48 hours, he had heard nothing.

Boden cleared him for furlough, the firefighter equally worried about Matt and Christie brought Kelly to the airport.

‘’You better bring him home.’’

‘’Won’t be home till I find him.’’ Kelly promised Christie as they shared a short hug. Nervous he made his way over the airport. He tried calling Matt a few times before he got onto the flight, but the phone was fully disconnected now.

Landing in Lima, he had no idea where to start. The last thing he knew was what Matt had left Lima to go on his hikes in the banged up pickup truck.

Zooming into the picture as the plane was slowly pulling towards the airport, he found the name of the rental car on the pickup truck, struggling to make it out as Matt was standing in front of it, but he managed now.

Going straight there with a taxi, he tried to work out his plan. He would ask if the car had been returned, cause at least he would know then that Matt had been back in Lima. 

He made his way straight to the car rental. He hadn’t booked a hotel in Lima, knowing that there was no chance he would rest easy until he knew where Matt was and what had happened to him. He arrived just in time before the car rental was closing. He had heard Matt mention it before he left, that he wanted to go here as the owner was American and Matt wasn’t fluent in Spanish.

‘’Hey, hey!’’

Kelly knocked on the door as the man was just locking the door. With a deep sigh, he opened it again.

‘’What?’’ The old man said grumpy.

‘’I am looking for my friend, he never showed up on his return flight and we have not heard from him.’’

‘’You mean the asshole that stole my truck? Am not saying that banged up thing was a thing of beauty but I wanted it back.’’ The man said grumpy as he waved at Kelly to walk in.

‘’He has been missing for weeks, I mean, he might not have been but we haven’t heard from him in three weeks - me – his family and me are really worried about him.’’

The man showed a bit more compassion now.

‘’Afraid I can’t help ya; he never brought it back, only know where he went.’’

Eagerly Kelly nodded. The man wrote down the name of a town and a hostel.

‘’It’s the address he used for the rental, said he would be there for two weeks.’’ The man said as he started pushing Kelly towards the door.

‘’Any chance I can rent a truck?’’ Kelly said as he was almost out of the door.

‘’Boy, you got some nerve.’’ He grumped, going to rumble in a box with car keys as he handed some forms to Kelly.

‘’Got a truck that will be okay in the mountains. Nicknamed it Bugs. Take good care of it.’’ The man said as he let Kelly out, Kelly walking towards the truck.

‘’You better bring him home!’’

It was the second time somebody told him that today.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Kelly drove straight through the night, arriving at the hostel early in the morning. Walking into the hostel, he hoped to finally find some answers here.

He walked to the guy standing behind the front desk. It turned out the man did not speak English, but he walked to the back. Concerned Kelly looked around, figuring it had been stupid from him to go here without speaking the language, as even Matt had studied a bit of Spanish before going. The only thing he remembered was from when they looked together.

The guy behind the front desk didn’t speak English and turned around, walking into the back.

Another guy was brought out from the back.

‘’Can I help you?’’

‘’My friend stayed here three weeks ago? He uhm – he has gone missing.’’ Kelly said. Even though Matt wasn’t officially missing, he was missing for everybody that cared about him.

‘’Oh – the American tourist?’’ The man said with a thick accent.

‘’Yeah, Matt Casey.’’

‘’He had a ehm – accidente?’’

Kelly nodded, worried. ‘’What happened?’’

‘’Don’t know, he got taken to Lima by helicóptero.’’ The man said. ‘’You take his stuff.’’

A while later, Kelly was carrying the stuff the hostel had dragged out of the bach to his rental car. Getting in, he took a deep breath, trying to compose himself. Matt had had his accident three weeks ago at least if his stuff was still here. With them not having to heard from him all this time, he got more and more worried about what shape he was in.

Nervous Kelly started his car, driving towards Lima, not sure what he was going to find there.


	5. John Doe

 

Parking the rental car at one of the hospitals google maps showed him, he walked inside. With no success, and soon he had visited 2 more hospitals, looking at Matt’s picture he had printed in a small print shop so he could hopefully more easily find him.

He missed him so much and he hope dot just find him soon. He was scared there would be no good news, but at least they would know.

Since they had not heard from Matt in the three weeks passed, Kelly also know there was chance they had to fear for the worst.

Walking into a large hospital at the outskirts of town, he walked to the front desk.

‘’I am looking for my friend, he had an accident and he was brought here maybe?’’ Kelly asked as he showed the picture. 

The woman took the picture, looking surprised and starting to call on her phone, Kelly trying to understand what she was saying, but he couldn’t. She got up, waving Kelly to walk along and walking to the ICU with him, pointing to a room.

‘’Doctor Lopez is coming.’’

Walking into the hospital room, he was in no way prepared for the shape Matt was in. His face was bruised, cuts all over it, some healed more than others. There was a tube going into his throat, his chest full with tubes and plasters. His face was swollen, his nose had a splint over it and Kelly wasn’t even sure where to look anymore.

His right leg was up in a sling, covered in this bandages, iron bars sticking out, his right arm not in much better shape.  Kelly sat down, defeated looking at the mess that was his body. 

Not being able to stay in the room even a second longer, he rushed out, taking a deep breathe on the hallway. Almost immediately he was met by a doctor.

‘’Woah, sorry, I wanted to meet you before you went in there. Doctor Lopez.’’ The doctor said.

‘’Alright. Fuck….Matt….’’ was all Kelly managed to mumble.

‘’He is in much better shape than when he came in. Come on, I’ll talk with you in my office.’’ The doctor invited him. Kelly walked after him.

‘’So where in the states are you from?’’

‘’Chicago born and bred. He is too.’’

‘’Cool, I am from Miami, moved here after my studies. Got assigned to his case cause it was easier to avoid the language barrier. Besides that I am also an orthopedic surgeon.’’ The doctor explained. ‘’We found a passport cover from the US in his backpack, it got ripped open and a lot of stuff went missing in the ravine. We assumed he was American but the embassy couldn’t work out who our John Doe is.’’

‘’Matt Casey – his name is Matthew Casey.’’ Kelly said upset.

‘’He had quite  a lot of facial trauma when he came in, so it was hard to recognize him, especially with no form of ID on him.’’ 

 ''He had to have surgery?'' 

‘’I worked on him, we had to do surgery the multiple parts of his body.’’ He explained as Kelly sat down. ''He has had about six surgeries the past 3 weeks.'' 

‘’What happened?’’

‘’We are not fully sure, but it looks like he fell during his hike. He was found in a small ravine, probably landed on his right arm and leg. Other hikers found him, he was airlifted out.’’

Kelly nodded slowly, letting every word sink in. Now it also made sense he wasn’t in O’hare last week, he had been here.

‘’He was probably down there for at least a day before he was found, there was nothing we could do before he was airlifted here. He had multiple open fractures and some of them were badly infected. We had to reconstruct his arm and leg.’’

Kelly nodded slowly. ‘’I am just glad he still alive.’’

‘’The arm fractures kept him alive, his ribs were fractured as well. They would’ve pierced his lungs down there if he had moved his arm. Are you okay or do you need a minute?’’

‘’No, please keep talking.’’ Kelly told doctor Lopez.

‘’Alright, when he got here one of his lungs had collapsed, probably from moving him. We managed to repair the damage on his ribs and lungs, although because of infection risk we are still draining.’’

‘’Is he going to be okay?’’

‘’It’s going to be touch and go. He has been good the last three weeks and I believe he has had the worst.’’ 

‘’Why is he still unconscious?’’

‘’’We are keeping him in a coma. His face sustained a lot of damage as well in the fall. His jaw was badly broken in the fall and we had do surgery, and we might have to do surgery again. His nose was broken as well, which we had to do surgery for and one of his cheekbones. We think it will heal, but his jaw is still swollen and he has been struggling to breathe since he came in here. Because of the pain and the multiple surgeries we kept him in a coma.’’

Kelly nodded just a bit, all of the information was so much to take in, and since Matt was in such a bad shape, he asked the doctor to talk again tomorrow, as he was pretty sure he had forgotten a lot of it again. 

‘’Should I contact

‘’No, go be with him, I will contact the embassy and his insurance. Plus contact his doctor in Chicago.’’ Doctor Lopez promised. ‘’He might need more surgery in Chicago, some things we just can’t do here.’’

Kelly nodded just a bit, walking back to the room then, taking a few deep breaths along the way.

Walking back inside his room, he sat down by his friend. Taking his left hand that was on the blanket, slightly red from some barely healed abrasions. Carefully caressing his hand, he wished that Matt would open his eyes. Tell him off, as he had been doing for the past few months.

Taking his phone with his free hand, he dialed Matt’s sister.

‘’I found him Christie – no, it’s not good news.’’

Looking at his friend’s bruised, swollen face, and broken body, he couldn’t even imagine the road that was still ahead. But he meant what he had said and that letter, and he would be by Matt's side every step of the way. 


	6. Broken

Kelly woke up early in the morning from the alarm, not being used to sleeping in this strange bed even after a few days.

The hotel room he was staying at was simple, but he didn’t spend any time here anyway.

Matt’s backpack that had been in the hostel, was in the corner. Kelly had taken some stuff out of it to take the hospital like his socks and underwear. He hoped that when Matt was in a bit of a better state, they would be able to dress him, as he was almost naked now with all the casts, splints and iron bars keeping his body together, but he knew his friend would hate being so vulnerable.

 After a quick shower Kelly left to go to the hospital again. For the past week, he had been there early in the morning and didn’t leave until midnight.

In the morning he sat with Matt until the doctors came to do their first round, hoping for some new news every day. He couldn’t speak to some of the doctors due to the language barrier and a translator not always being available, but they tried to help as much as possible.

Kelly usually left to get breakfast when Matt got washed by the nurses. He wanted to help the nurses and feel like he could finally do something for Matt, but he knew that Matt would not appreciate that, given the position they were in before he left.

One morning, the splint around his nose was removed and besides for the small scars around it, nothing too much had changed. Kelly was glad to see him looking a bit better now, although his jaw was still swollen. He knew Matt was going to get so mad when he found out about his broken and missing teeth, but it was the lesser concern now.

He had still not been removed from the ventilator and due to the heavy medication, Kelly had only seen him open his eyes a couple of times for a few seconds, before he had succumbed again to the sedatives and painkillers as they were slowly lowering the dose, but it was still too much for Matt to be awake and aware.

It was almost five weeks since he had fallen into the ravine, but time had seemed to stand still. He had another surgery on his jaw and his right hand, Kelly waiting for hours as the surgery was going on. Doctor Lopez had told him that everything had gone well, and they were certain he would get full use in his right hand, as well as his jaw, although he would most likely need some more surgeries when he was back in Chicago.

‘’When is he going to be waking up? Like really wake up.’’ Kelly asked, feeling there had not been much change the last few days, aside from the surgery on his hand and jaw.

‘’Maybe in the next few days. We want to remove the ventilator first, but his jaw and throat are still too swollen.’’

Kelly nodded understanding. He knew it had been a close call and he should be grateful Matt had even survived. With his punctured lung and his multiple injuries, Matt had been strong even making it to the hospital in the state he had been in. Doctor Lopez had even said that he probably wouldn’t have made it if he hadn’t been so physically fit thanks to his job.

Doctor Lopez had been really helpful to Kelly, talking a lot with him about the treatment plan and the long road Matt had ahead.

For now they wanted to get Matt in shape for him to fly back to the USA, but doctor Lopez had warned Kelly that might still take a month, or even longer.

 

* * *

 

He was finally taken of the ventilator, Kelly staying by his bedside the following night as he hoped Matt might wake up, and he wanted to be there for him. Holding his left hand, he sat there for hours, waiting for him to wake up, although he knew it could take a while with all the painkillers they were pumping into Matt.

It had been two months since he had last spoken to him when he had brought him to the airport, and he missed talking to him.

Even though it had been two months, his love and care for Matt had not gotten any less.

He was not even sure if Matt wanted him here but the last thing he wanted was for Matt to be alone in the shape he was in and in a foreign country. Even though he had only been waiting on his bedside, holding his hand and not being able to do much, it brought him some comfort being by Matt, the man that brought him so much comfort. He hoped he could do the same for Matt in the upcoming months.

In the evening, Kelly helped the nurses move Matt. They had to be careful, his body still broken, weeks after the accident. They had to be especially careful because of his healing ribs.

His right arm was in a full cast from his fingertips to his shoulder, his leg still up in a fixator, his leg  a mess of scars and dressings.

Kelly looked a bit worried as they changed the dressing on his neck where he had been connected to the ventilator, as they were not able to intubate him because of his jaw. There was still a hole there, but he was told it would close within two weeks.

There was a large scar on his side, where they had had to go in to repair his ribs and work on his punctured lung.

Soon they pulled a thin blanket over Matt again, and Kelly sat down at his usual spot for the past almost two weeks, sitting on the chair by his bed.

Kelly checked his phone, just a text from Boden. He did not let them know much about how Matt was, just general updates. As much as he wanted to, he knew Matt valued his privacy and did not want him to be upset about it when he woke up.

Christie has asked for a picture, but he could not do it to them. Matt was in such bad shape, and it was hard to stay hopeful.

 

 

* * *

 

One day after Matt had been removed from the ventilator and the medication was lowered, Kelly decided to stay by his side, wanting to be here when Matt woke up.

Even though it was the middle of the night, he was still not leaving his friend’s side. Holding his hand, Kelly looked at the tv, absentminded. Not able to pay any more attention, he switched it off, moving closer to the bed again, caressing his hand.

‘’Don’t know if you can hear me, but I need you to be okay.’’ Kelly said softly, caressing his left hand. It was still bruised after the IV had been there, which since had been moved to his neck since the surgery.

‘’I really care about you, and I was so proud when you went here to have a new start in life, but this is not the start I wanted for you. I just hope you will be okay.’’

Matt’s eyes opened just a bit, his eyes falling close within a few seconds again. Pinching his hand, Kelly sighed relieved, so glad to feel Matt pinch back just a bit, hoping things were finally looking up.


	7. Chapter 7

 

Sitting with Matt all night, he was glad to see his friend being a bit more lucid the following morning.

Panicked Matt looked around the room, Kelly holding his left hand.

‘’Matt, calm down, it’s okay.’’ He tried to calm him down, pinching his hand.

Matt looked at him, his eyes bewildered, frightened.

‘’What? Where…where am I?’’ Matt said, struggling to talk with the wiring in his mouth, his speech slurred.

‘’You are still in Peru, you had an accident while hiking here.’’ Kelly spoke slowly, caressing his hand. Matt seemed to settle down a bit.

‘’They had to reconstruct your leg, arm and jaw, but you’ll get back on your feet.’’ Kelly just said.

Matt closed his eyes, trying to remember what had happened.

‘’Don’t worry, just get some rest, you need it.’’ Kelly told him. His eyes closed, Matt tried to think back about the hike, but his mind came up blank.

Falling back asleep, he woke up with the room dark, but hearing Kelly snore somewhere beside him. The snore he was still feeling embarrassed to admit he had heard beside him a lot before he had gone here. Stretching out his left arm, he felt Kelly’s flannel shirt and closed his eyes again, trying to fall asleep. He felt safe, knowing Kelly was so close by him.

Kelly woke up from loud sobbing. Opening his eyes, confused, he immediately realized it had to be Matt. 

He hadn’t even opened his eyes when Matt wailed his name.

‘’Kel?’’

‘’Matt, it is okay.’’ Kelly told him, immediately awake, moving closer.

‘’Kel why am I here?’’ Matt said, chocking, his eyes full of tears. His voice was raw because of the wound on his neck from the ventilator.  

Kelly wasn’t sure what to say, as he did not remember what Kelly had told him.

 ‘’Please Kel, just leave.’’ Matt said then after a few painfully quiet seconds, still struggling to talk. Before Kelly could object, tears started to stream down Matt’s cheeks.

‘’No, I am not going anywhere.’’ Kelly told him. Caressing his head gently, he just let Matt spill it all out.

 

* * *

 

But soon, the realization came for Kelly that if Matt had to stay another month at least, there was a large chance he could not stay here all this time. He had some cash to spare, but living in the hotel and having been off work for three weeks already now, he was worried he could not keep it up staying here all this time until Matt had healed enough to fly back to the states.

It had sunk in, after he had gotten multiple calls from Boden, which he had all ignored.

Even though the CFD had been alright with him taking the last minute furlough, especially because of the reason. But he was not sure if he could stretch it out over all this time.

Sitting with Matt, his friend fully out of it again, he caressed his hand. Even though Matt was more awake now, he was still woozy because of all the morphine he was still getting.

Kelly sat with him late at night once more, watching tv. Sometimes of the nurses told him to go, but often they left him here, Kelly not moving much from Matt’s bedside. Most of them probably also realized Kelly was the only bit of comfort right now.

Matt groaned just a bit and Kelly turned the TV down. The noise gone again, he was dozing off again, Kelly still caressing his hand.  

He wanted to watch the TV again, but Matt pinched his hand now. Surprised Kelly looked back at him, Matt seeming a bit more awake. Switching the tv off, he moved a bit closer.

‘’Hey, how are you feeling.’’

‘’Not grea…’’ Matt managed to mumble, grimacing and struggling with the wiring in his mouth.

He was struggling, trying to sit up a bit but his body was not cooperating.

‘’Want me to help you up?’’ Kelly asked worried.

‘’Just a bit.’’ Matt said softly, Kelly putting his bed up just a bit more and a pillow under his arm. He was already looking exhausted from the slight movement. Matt was having a moment of clarity, which was a welcome change from a drug fueled slumber he had been in.

Very carefully, Kelly sat down on his bed, the two men finally getting a good look at each other again after all these weeks.

Kelly pinched his hand, Matt giving him just the faintest smile. He looked nothing like the man he had said goodbye to at the airport. It was not the facial damage, as beside some bruising and fading small scars from the surgeries, there was not much to see of it anymore. It was the weary, tired, pale look on his face.

‘’You been here…’’

‘’I’ve been here for a while though, would know that if you weren’t acting like sleeping beauty.’’ Kelly teased him a bit.

‘’How long…’’

‘’Been here for three weeks, you had your accident five weeks ago.’’

Matt did not say anything, feeling worse and worse.

‘’that’s long.’’ He managed to mumble. 

Kelly sighed deep, knowing it was not fair to keep this from Matt, the conversation he had had today.

‘’I might need to leave Matt. I don’t want to, but I might need to go back to Chicago. I promise I will wait for you there if I have to go – or try and get here before you fly back…and fly together with you.’’ Kelly said, his voice breaking as he did not want to go, but knew that he did not have much of a choice anymore soon.

Matt’s eyes fell shut, Kelly thinking that he was too tired to listen to him, but tears started to stream down his cheeks.

‘’Matt…’’ Kelly said softly, caressing his shoulder as he was not sure where else he could touch Matt without hurting him, already holding his hand.

‘’Don wanna be alone.’’ Matt slurred softly.

‘’I know, I will try and work it out.’’ Kelly promised. Kissing Matt on his forehead, he hated to see him cry. Matt was still sobbing, Kelly moving forward and caressing over his head, softly, gentle.

‘’I still mean everything I said in that letter Matt. I want to be here for you, even though this…and it may be hard but I will work it out, I promise.’’ Kelly spoke softly. Matt still had a faint smile, tears still in his eyes too.

Looking Matt’s eyes, he didn’t care about racking up a debt, or possible consequences to his career.

All he really wanted, was for the blue eyes man across from him to be okay.


	8. The Letter

Kelly had spent the night next to Matt’s bed, his legs folded under him as he slept in the chair, his head resting against the upright mattress from Matt’s bed, still holding his hand. He woke up as Matt was saying his name.

‘’Kel?’’

Sitting up, he rubbed through his eyes, Matt looking at him.

‘’What is it?’’

‘’Your phone has been going off for a while.’’ Matt said softly, dazed.

The whole little bit of time he had been awake, had been a daze. He couldn’t remember much from the last few times he was awake, and to be honest, he had no idea how long Kelly had already been here.

His head hurt, his whole body hurt and nothing much made sense.

‘’How are you feeling?’’ Kelly asked as

‘’When can we finally go home?’’ Matt slurred, clearly in pain because of his jaw.

‘’Not any time soon Matt.’’ Kelly caressed his hand, sad to disappoint him. It would take a while longer before they would clear him to fly. The surgical wounds were still healing, especially around his lung where his broken ribs had done a lot of damage. With his leg and arm still a mess and his chest barely healed from the rib fractures and the his surgery to repair the damage to his lungs, flying seemed a far length off.

The therapist that Matt had been working with the past few days came walking in. She spoke decent English. Looking at Kelly, Matt’s eyes told him that he should be going soon.

Kelly wanted to stay with Matt, but Matt did not want him there while he was getting therapy. Walking out, promising to come back later, he looked back. He looked as Matt was moving his left leg. Even moving his leg that had not been injured, it took great effort after these weeks in the medical induced coma and not moving his body.

Looking at his phone again, he noticed the missed call from Boden.

Finally he started to dial the number back.

‘’Chief – I am really sorry.’’ He took a deep sigh, knowing he had been an idiot, torn between the chance that he would not be able to stay with Matt but also not wanting to fail the chief. But he knew that he had and he did.

‘’I am really sorry chief – Matt is not good, not good at all.’’

 

* * *

 

The next day, Kelly came walking into Matt’s hospital room during the evening. He knew Matt had a long day of therapy and he had not wanted to drain him anymore. Instead he had talked some more with Boden.

 Matt was sitting up at the bed, staring at the magazine in front of him, but not reading it. There were some tears streaming down his cheeks.

‘What is wrong?’’ Kelly asked concerned as he walked in, sitting down on the edge of his bed.

‘’I just realized that I lost your letter.’’ Matt said, a bit embarrassed Kelly found him crying.

‘’Matt-‘’

‘’Must’ve fallen from my pocket when I fell. Or in my jacket still.’’

‘’I can write you a new one.’’ Kelly said, he had no clue where Matt’s clothes were after he had been airlifted here.

‘’I loved that letter, it meant a lot.’’ Matt said sad.

‘’I can check if they kept your clothes.’’

‘’Don’t think they did after almost 6 weeks.’’ Matt said softly.

‘’Going to check for you, alright.’’ Kelly promised.

He was grateful that Boden had been okay with him being away for another week, even though he had been really mad. Matt was broken, way beyond his body and with the long road still ahead, he was not really sure what was going to happen when he came home.

They had had multiple talks with Dr. Rodriguez, they knew that Matt had a long road, months long, ahead of him. He would need to get surgery on his right hand and arm in Chicago, surgery on his right ankle, is missing teeth replaced and long physical therapy on his broken limbs. But Kelly was worried he would need a lot of work mentally as well.

‘’Gonna check for you alright?’’ Kelly said and Matt nodded.

‘’Yeah, thanks.’’ Matt said, Kelly glad he had dried his tears.

‘’Be back in a while, okay?’’ Kelly said, squeezing Matt’s hand as he got up.

‘’I really appreciate you being here.’’ Matt said and Kelly smiled, so glad to hear those words.

An hour later, Kelly knew he had to give up the search for the note. He had asked multiple people, but was told Matt’s clothes had been thrown out as they had been cut to pieces when he was flown in.

Not sure what to do, he took a minute to compose himself. The last thing he wanted was to go back to Matt knowing he would not get the note back. He would never be able to find the note, even not looking for it in the mountains. He knew it would be stupid to do, but he even wished it was possibility if it was an option for giving Matt the paper back.

He even thought of writing it again, but didn’t know all the words he wrote, and didn’t want Matt to think he was lying when he sobered up from the medication.

Instead he went to get out something else. Walking into Matt’s room, he was glad to see he was still awake.

‘’Banana milkshake, your favorite.’’

Matt looked a bit surprised, but Kelly figured something like this would do him well while he was not allowed to eat solid food yet.

‘’I know it is not pizza and beer, but you got to give me some credit for trying.’’ Kelly said as he put the drink on the table.

Matt smiled just a bit, glad that Kelly always here for him and trying to lift his spirits.

Kelly felt horrible, felt like he had had failed because he had not gotten the letter back for Matt. Even though he had not promised him, he had really wanted to get it so he could cheer up Matt just a bit.

‘’I called with Boden yesterday. Got another week off, will see after that.’’ Kelly said, a pit in his stomach, only saying it in the hopes Matt would not mention the letter again.

‘’Can’t I fly home next week?’’

‘’No, you know that.’’ Kelly told him, ‘’At least three more weeks before dr. Rodriguez will sign the papers for your return to Chicago.’’

‘’I guess that is fair.’’ Matt sighed as he looked down at his leg in the fixator and the barely healed wounds on his chest.

‘’Even if I have to go home earlier – I don’t think so – but I will fly here the night before if I have to, you are not flying alone.’’

Matt nodded just a bit, although he didn’t say it, he really appreciated it.

Matt’s memory was not the best since he had awoken. Kelly had been worried about a head injury, but had been calmed down that it was just because of the medication, and it would get better. Even now he was awake, Matt was still under heavy painkillers.

‘’The letter-‘’

‘’Sorry Matt, it’s gone.’’ Kelly said in all honesty.

‘’I knew.’’

‘’Sorry.’’ Kelly repeated again.

‘’Wish I had remembered it better. I uh, I tried to climb up a bit higher near some peak, wanted to try and get reception to call you after reading it.’’ Matt said, Kelly surprised.

‘’You fell?’’ Kelly asked, piecing together what had happened.

‘’Don’t remember much after that.’’ Matt said, although Kelly was not sure if he really did not remember or if he did not want to talk about it.

‘’What do you remember?’’ Kelly asked, wanting to know what Matt was going through.

‘’I remember waking up down there, only a for a while though, just figured when I closed my eyes I wouldn’t open them again. Now I don’t even have that letter anymore.’’

‘’You have me.’’

‘’Yeah.’’ Matt said soft, but taking his hand then, Kelly grateful as it was the first time Kelly had reached out to him.

Kelly wasn’t sure what to say, just caressing his hand with his thumb.

‘’You are better than the letter.’’ Matt told him.


	9. Stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! I have returned. The reason it took me so long to get this chapter out is that I have released my own book in the meantime! I am hoping i can do regular FF updates again. So I hope that you are excited for that! Thanks for coming back to this story.

Kelly finally noticed some differences over the next few days. The amount of painkillers were finally lowered to the point where Matt’s moment of clarity became longer and longer.

Kelly came in one afternoon as Matt had had therapy in the morning, Matt drinking some broth from a cup with a straw, his right arm in the full cast and him not having the dexterity and skill to spoon it with his left arm.

Walking towards him and sitting on the edge of the bed, he kissed him on his forehead, worried to hurt Matt’s sore jaw or upset him, wanting to hug him as well.

‘’Don’t – I stink real bad.’’ Matt warned him.

‘’I hadn’t noticed.’’ Kelly teased him. He had, but he didn’t care.

Every day, Matt enquired about something else, slowly becoming more and more aware of everything that was going on.

‘’How’s my nose?’’ was the question somewhere in the seventh week since his accident.

‘’It is slightly crooked, but nobody would notice.’’ Kelly promised him, grabbing a mirror then and holding it up. Matt inspected his face for a while, upset as he noticed some of the teeth missing in his mouth. The wiring had been removed, although his jaw was still sore, and he wouldn’t be on solid foods for a while still, also to blame on the missing teeth.

‘’Probably never going to take me on a date now.’’ Matt mumbled, wincing because of his jaw.

‘’Take you on a date any day.’’ Kelly promised, caressing Matt’s left hand. He wanted to pull it away, still not ready to open himself up to Kelly. But he allowed it then, Kelly’s hand weirdly comforting.

‘’Missing teeth – messed up arm – nonfunctional leg. Not exactly a prize pig now.’’ Matt spoke slowly.

‘’Still mean everything I said in that letter. Wouldn’t be here otherwise.’’ Kelly assured him. Matt took his hand, squeezing it

‘’Really just want to go home.’’ Matt admitted, although he was still really happy Kelly was here with him.

‘’I know, your time here in Peru is taking a lot longer than expected, isn’t it.’’ Kelly said, not sure what else to say.

‘’Would’ve been back at work for weeks already if I hadn’t had the accident, now I know if I will ever return.’’ Matt said softly.

‘’You will get back to work, the doctor said so.’’

‘’He said maybe, but also said there might be nerve damage in my leg or arm, or I won’t get back on the required physical level.’’ Matt argued.

‘’I know, but I am going to believe in the best outcome. It may take time, but I know you will be okay.’’ Kelly comforted him, Matt quiet.

 

* * *

 

A few days later, the fixator was taken of his leg. His leg was a mess of scars, his doctor keeping a brave face with Matt, but telling Kelly that he was not sure if Matt would ever fully be able to walk on it again and he would need another surgery when he was back in Chicago, although there was also some hope for a full recovery in his leg, and Kelly wanted to believe in that given how stubborn Matt could be.

Kelly decided that at least it was good they were able to save his leg. Matt didn’t seem to be dealing with the pain well and  with his arm in worse shape, he was glad there was hope for recovery.

‘’So I get to relearn how to walk?’’ Matt asked, holding an ice pack against his jaw as it hurt after breakfast. Even the softest meal made Matt struggle for hours after.

‘’Not any time soon, champ. Going to have you in a cast for another few weeks. The fractured bones aren't strong enough yet, the bones have just healed enough we can get you in a cast. Plus you are still going to need surgery in Chicago.’’

‘’But with the cast I can fly home right?’’ Matt asked hopeful.

‘’In a few weeks yeah. I am sorry Matt, but you are in no shape to fly.’’ The doctor explained.

Kelly saw the tears well up in Matt’s eyes, taking his hand and holding it as Matt kept strong while he was still being examined. Even when the staff left his room, Matt was biting his lip and fighting back the tears.

‘’You are being really strong.’’ Kelly commended him.

‘’Don’t really feel like it.’’ Matt admitted.

Kelly had wanted to go back to the hotel, but Matt begged him to stay. The pain in his leg was getting worse and with the painkillers lowered just a bit, the pain in his body was getting worse.

Eventually, as Kelly asked the staff, he got a bit more painkillers, and he hoped that it would finally help  Matt get to sleep. He got why they wanted to lower the dose, but he hated seeing Matt in pain. Especially his jaw, arm and leg were causing him a lot of grief.

Kelly sat on the edge of the bed, helping him eat some of the soup that had been brought to him. Glad he had aten the whole bowl, he put it aside.

‘’Anything else you want? You should eat some more.’’

‘’I just want to go home.’’ Matt said upset.

‘’I know, I want you to be home too.’’

‘’Never should have gone on this trip.’’ Matt mumbled even more upset. Kelly was not sure what to say, he had a pit in his stomach as he had hoped that this trip would be good for Matt, but instead it had had the worst effect possible. Besides all the physical damage and the pain, he was sure his mental state was worse than it was when Matt had left.

For the first time since he had arrived, he was not the one initiating the contact, Matt holding his hand as tears welled up in his eyes. 

Before he could silence it his phone was ringing.

‘’It’s Herrmann.’’

‘’You should take it.’’ Matt sighed softly, drying his tears.

‘’it can wait.’’

‘’Please Kelly, just take the call.’’ Matt asked him and finally he got up, walking to the hallway. Looking as Kelly was calling on the hallway through the small window, he was really grateful for Kelly being here. He didn’t even want to be here after all these weeks, let alone Kelly whom could do nothing but take his crap day after day.

He was glad when Kelly came into the room again.

‘’They held a fundraiser at molly’s for you…they also raised money so I can stay with you…to cover my shifts for me…I mean it’s your money but-’’

‘’I really want you to stay.’’ Matt smiled and Kelly smiled back. He was glad Matt had dried his tears and carefully he sat down on the edge of the bed.

‘’I know you will probably need to go inpatient again in Chicago for the surgery on your hand and your ankle, but when you are good to go home, will you go home with me? I don’t want you to end up home alone, or in a rehab center. I can look after you until you get better.’’

‘’I don’t know Kelly, that is months of dedication. We weren’t more than friends and a one night stand before this.’’ Matt said, doubtful, but respectful of Kelly’s feelings. 

‘’I know, I just-‘’

‘’I will think about it.’’ Matt promised him. Kelly knew that was as good as he was going to get and nodded.

‘’I know it may seem long away, but you have had the worst and maybe you can really fly home in two weeks.’’ Kelly said as he squeezed his hand.

‘’I hope so.’’

Matt fell asleep, feeling a bit positive as he was glad he wasn’t alone here for the last few weeks before he would hopefully be allowed to fly home.


	10. Nerve Pain

Kelly had searched all over Lima and eventually had driven to the airport to look for some English magazines and books to occupy Matt with. Buying some, he made his way back to the hospital, hoping that Matt would be in good spirits today.

Matt was actually out of the bed, sitting up in a wheelchair by the table, his back facing Kelly. Sneaking his way, Kelly carefully wrapped his arm around Matt, kissing him top of his head.

Surprised, Matt looked up, giving Kelly a small smile.

‘’Look at you, sitting up.’’

‘’What an achievement.’’ Matt sighed sarcastic.

‘’It is now.’’ Kelly encouraged him, pulling the chair back and sitting down beside Matt.

‘’Hey, the cast is off.’’ Kelly said excited as he noticed Matts arm was free from the cast that had gone all up from his fingertips to his shoulders. There were scars on his hand from the intensive surgery, as well as a large one on his upper arm where they had had to stabilize his humerus.

‘’Can you move your arm…your hand?’’ Kelly asked concerned as Matt didn’t seem too chipper.

‘’Nothing, they are not sure if it’s stiff…or nerve damage.’’ Matt admitted, cradling his arm and hand with his other as it hurt to even let it hang.

‘’Oh…Matt..’’

‘’It’s okay. It might work again…if not…it is what it is.’’ Matt stated lightly but Kelly could hear that he was not being honest in his statement.

‘’Matt, I believe you are going to get better and if not, we can work it out.’’ Kelly laid his hand on Matt’s good shoulder.

‘’I guess so.’’

It had bummed him out. Somehow he had expected that his hand and arm would be fine as soon as the cast was removed. But now he still had even more work ahead, with no idea how it would work out.

Trying to move his hand again, tears welled up in his eyes from the pain in his hand.

‘’Stop Matt, you need to wait for the therapist tomorrow, what if you do more harm.’’ Kelly said concerned.

‘’It’s so frustrating.’’ Matt admitted.

‘’Only a two more weeks until you can go home.’’ Kelly tried to encourage him.

‘’Yeah…can you help me back on the bed?’’

Kelly nodded, moving the wheelchair closer to the bed. Matt put his good hand down on the bed, wanting to boost himself up but Kelly easily lifted him onto the bed, putting a pillow under his casted leg and grabbed one for his arm.

As gentle as possible, he tried to take Matt’s arm and lay it on the pillow.

‘’Kelly stop – stop – oww-‘’ Matt cried out, Kelly immediately letting go.

‘’I am so sorry – I am so so sorry.’’ Kelly mumbled, pressing the call button as tears started streaming down Matt cheeks from the pain in his arm. Soon Kelly had to stop comforting Matt, pushed back by the hospital staff.

 

A little later, Matt’s arm was in a sling, hurting less now that it was supported again, which worried Kelly, but Matt was in an even worse mood than before. They had given him some extra painkillers as well but Kelly still felt bad, wished he had never touched his arm.

‘’I thought about your offer.’’ Matt as he was staring out of the window, something that worried Kelly as it seemed that Matt was not in a right headspace.

‘’What offer?’’ Kelly asked a bit worried.

‘’You looking after me.’’ Matt huffed.

‘’Thought that was a done deal…although…I am sorry about just now.’’ Kelly admitted but Matt shook his head.

‘’No, it is not about what just happened. Maybe I can go to my sister, I don’t think I can do this to you.’’ Matt admitted. ‘’You’d have to take shifts off for week, maybe months…my arm…just…it’s a lot Kelly.’’

‘’It is not too much for me Matt.’’

‘’But it is for me...Kel…I am sorry. I want you in my life, but I am not sure if I can have you looking after me for so long, I am worried it will change things between us.’’ Matt said concerned.

‘’If that is your choice, I respect that.’’ Kelly said just a bit. ‘’But you can’t just have me here with you and shut me out again in Chicago.’’

‘’Never said a I would do that.’’ Matt said a bit angry.

‘’But you will. I know, you are already doing it now. You did it after Andy, the divorce and now you are doing it again.’’

Kelly expected Matt to object, but instead he just looked away out of the window again.

‘’I am just not in a good headspace right now Kelly.’’

‘’I know, that is only fair given what happened. You had a shitty few months. I know that. I am just trying to make it better.’’ Kelly spoke, knowing that getting angry with Matt only would make it worse.

‘’Thanks for understanding.’’ Matt said, a sad smile on his face, glad that Kelly understood.

‘’You know, I wish I would have never let you go to here. I wish I had never written that letter cause you wouldn’t climbed onto that rock to call me. I wish I would have done it all differently. But I can’t change the past. I just hope that we have a future together.’’ Kelly spoke after about a minute of silence, caressing Matt’s hand.

‘’Even if my arm doesn’t get much better? If I struggle with my leg and can’t walk again? If they can’t fix my teeth?’’ Matt asked worried.

‘’Yes, always.’’ Kelly assured him. ‘’but I believe you don’t need to worry about that. You are going to get back on your feet, to firefighting too.’’

‘’You are right more often, hope this time too.’’ Matt said with a small smile and Kelly was glad to see it as Matt hasn’t smiled as much lately.

‘’Did you just admit I am right sometimes?’’ Kelly teased him.

‘’You were right about something.’’ Matt smiled.

‘’What then?’’

‘’Me – being love with you.’’ Matt admitted.

‘’Matt.’’ Kelly only managed to sigh his name, smiling then. Sitting down on the bed beside Matt, he kissed him on his cheek, Matt laying against him, carefully. Kelly wanted to lay his arm around him but was too worried about hurting his arm again.

His head against Kelly’s shoulder, Matt closed his eyes. Although he felt he was not in a good space at all, mentally and physically, he hoped that Kelly was right, and maybe he did have to trust him more, allow Kelly to look after him.


	11. Chicago

Ten weeks after his accident during his hike, he was cleared to fly home to Chicago. His lungs had healed enough, his right leg was casted and had to heal further now over time.

Kelly had been with him every single day, even the days he didn’t want them to be.

They arrived at the airport early in the morning, the taxi driver from the hospital helping with the bags. Matt was in the wheelchair the hospital had provided, his casted leg up and not saying a word. Kelly was not sure if he was nervous to go home, or wasn’t feeling well.

An orderly from the airport escorted them to security. Kelly kept pacing around, explaining what was in all the bags. He took Matt’s backpack that was hanging off the back of the wheelchair, sending it down the conveyor belt as Matt was patted down by one of the security agents. Kelly worried they would be too rough with his arm. It was still in the sling, stuck to his body as it caused a world of pain. When he would arrive in Chicago a doctor there would look at it again, doctor Lopez also not sure what was wrong.

‘’Be careful with him.’’ Kelly said worried as he was send through the metal detector.

‘’They are Kelly.’’ Matt sighed tired.

On the other side, they were going through Matt’s backpack, grabbing out one of the nutrition drinks provided by the hospital.

‘’No liquids.’’

‘’He needs it.’’ Kelly wanted to argue as they got ready to throw it away.

‘’It’s fine Kel, just – it’s fine.’’ Matt mumbled.

‘’No.’’ Kelly wanted to argue again.

‘’Kel, leave it!’’ Matt yelled angry now.

‘’Matt.’’

‘’I’ll just buy some freaking airport smoothie for 10 dollars and get you one as well. Just leave the damn drink!’’ Matt told him annoyed, nodding at the agent to throw it away. He got his bag returned to him and didn’t say a word to Kelly as they made their way towards the shops and restaurants.

‘’Matt –‘’

‘’Just shut up. Go tell that security agent about my shattered jaw and missing teeth, I am sure he will care about that – it’s the rules Kelly, I really don’t want the hassle.’’ Matt said annoyed.

‘’Just trying to help.’’

‘’Think you can help me by shutting up about it?’’ Matt was getting more and more mad. He knew Kelly meant well but wished he would just let it go now.

‘’It was medic-‘’

‘’It wasn’t medication Kelly!’’ Matt sighed annoyed. Kelly stopped by a restaurant so they could get something to eat and drink, although it was also to stop Matt from making a scene as people in the walkway kept looking at them.

Parking the wheelchair by a car in the back by the table, he mentioned to Matt he might look in a pharmacy at the airport if he could find some ensure.

‘’Oh you want to go back and tell them about the boo boo on my jaw, my teeth? Oh, maybe pull in my nose, or wait! Tell them about my leg reconstruction! Or better, mention that I used to have a fully functional right arm! Freaking sure they will care about that one!’’ Matt snarked at Kelly, annoyed he still wouldn’t leave it.

‘’Ma-‘’

‘’Kelly! just shut up, I really don’t need all their pity or you going around telling everybody how damn hurt I am!’’ Matt finally sniped at him. ‘’You don’t need to act like you are my nurse, my partner or anything that is not my friend, cause that is all we were when I left to go here!’’

Kelly tried not to feel hurt, knowing Matt was going through a world of pain and the whole flight was going to rough on him.

“Sorry Kel-‘’

‘’It’s okay.’’

‘’Sometime I worry I have a bit of my dad’s anger in me.’’ Matt said, looking down in shame. The pain and the anger about the last few months was getting the better of him.

‘’It’s okay, you had a rough few months. I can handle it.’’

‘’You don’t deserve it though. I am sorry Kelly. My anger about my situation got the better of me.’’ Matt said and Kelly squeezed his hand.

‘’It is fine, really. How about I get you some yoghurt so you can eat something.’’

‘’Thanks Kel.’’ Matt said appreciative, not sure what he had done right to deserve Kelly.

In the aircraft, Kelly made sure Matt was comfortable first and had everything he needed in reach on the small table beside him. Kelly wanted to sit down in his own seat across the aisle when Matt said his name again.

‘’Sorry – what?’’

‘’I can’t close my seatbelt.’’ Matt said with a face of anger and defeat.

‘’Sorry, I forgot.’’

‘’Don’t worry, so did I.’’ Matt just said, miserable. Kelly grabbed both ends of the seatbelt and closed them over Matt’s lap.

Kelly sat down in his seat with a big sigh. It had been such a hassle already, and they were still 8 hours away from Chicago.

He was glad Matt was asleep almost as soon as the plane took off.

The light from the window was pouring on his face and Kelly inspected every tiny bit of it. Although Matt worried, Kelly thought he looked barely different from when he had left to Peru. Kelly was sure he only saw the difference caused by the facial trauma because he knew his face so well. Sure, he could see Matt’s nose was slightly crooked, his cheekbone had a bit of bump on it and there was a small scar under his eyebrow from the surgery on his eye socket, but nobody would notice that.

He still thought Matt was perfect in every way.

 

 

* * *

 

Their plane landed after 8 hours, Matt looking more tired than he had looked anywhere these past weeks.

Getting up and grabbing Matt’s jacket that he had kept with him for when they landed, he helped Matt put it on. Zipping it up, Matt looked sad at the empty sleeve hanging by his side.

 ‘’I am sure they .’’ Kelly tried to keep his spirits up, reminding him that hopefully in a few weeks he also gained a lot of function back in his arm.

‘’Whatever.’’ Matt mumbled. Kelly helped him back in his wheelchair that was given to them by a gate agent. They knew he’d get a new one here as well, but for now this would have to do.

He was the first to get off the plane, Kelly pushing the wheelchair from the gate towards the arrivals gate.

‘’I don’t want anybody to be here.’’ Matt said worried as he realized either his family or firehouse coworkers might be there.

‘’Matt, they know I am taking you back today, they might be here. I am sorry.’’ Kelly prepared him as they made their way towards passport control.

‘’Kel – I am not ready.’’ Matt just said, looking miserable now. Kelly wasn’t sure if it had been the long flight, or if he was really worried about people being here.

‘’Everybody is really happy to finally have you home.’’ Kelly laid his hand on Matt’s shoulders.

‘’Well I don’t want to see them.’’ Matt just sulked. After passport control, Kelly got their luggage, struggling as he pushed the wheelchair and carried their bags.

‘’Kel, can you give me minute.’’ Matt asked right before they’d go through the doors.

‘’You okay?’’ Kelly asked a bit later.

‘’Yeah, yeah let’s go.’’ Matt said softly, Kelly finally pushing the wheelchair through the doors. He had not been wrong about some people being there. The whole firehouse was waiting, with a giant sign welcoming him home. But since Matt had not allowed Kelly to tell them the extent of his injuries, he was mostly greeted by shocked looks instead of the sign.

‘’W-welcome back.’’

Herrmann was the first one to manage to push some words out of his throat.

‘’Thanks.’’ Matt said with a sad smile.

After some more awkward silence, Herrmann said they’d see him at the firehouse or Molly’s soon, to which Casey agreed, even though it wasn’t true and he only said it to get out of there as soon as possible.

Herrmann exchanged some worried looks with Kelly, but together with the others they left then, Kelly and Matt going the other way.

‘’This is why you should have allowed me tell them what happened.’’ Kelly sighed.

‘’Why?’’

‘’Wouldn’t have been this awkward.’’

‘’I didn’t want them here to begin with.’’ Matt argued.

They made their home with a taxi. They had gone to Kelly’s apartment. As Matt’s apartment had steps at the entry, it was not an option now.

Tomorrow he would go to the hospital here to meet with his new orthopedic surgeon to make a scan of his ankle and arm. Kelly knew it only marked the beginning of a very long recovery, and he might need to go inpatient again.

But tonight, he finally had his Matt home with him again.


	12. Lakeshore

The first hours at home had gone by in a blur. Matt woke up in the morning, struggling to sit up as the sun was beaming in his face through the curtains.

He still felt tired, so tired. He wasn’t sure if it was to blame on the long journey yesterday or because he had not slept at well. He thought of telling Kelly about the nightmare he had had, but he knew Kelly was worrying enough about him.

Like clockwork Kelly came busting into the room.

‘’Morning-‘’

‘’What, your worried ears heard the covers rustle?’’ Matt teased him, although he was pretty sure Kelly had been listening by the door.

‘’Maybe.’’ Kelly laughed, helping Matt into his chair. He could get through the last weeks with the leg cast, but the doctors had reminded him his leg would need intensive physical therapy after the reconstruction so anything but two crutches wasn’t an option and with his arm in similar shape, crutches weren’t an option either.

‘’I made some banana oatmeal and pancakes.’’ Kelly told him as they made their way to the kitchen. Even though it was upsetting, Matt was just glad to be home after ten weeks. Even though it was not his own home, Kelly’s home felt like home too.

Although he knew it would only be for now, eventually he would have to go home again. Making sure Matt was comfortable by the table, he put the plate of pancakes and bowl of oatmeal down by Matt, moving back to the worktop to finish the smoothie he was making.

Matt wanted to start eating, struggling to grab the knife with his right hand.

‘’Need a hand?’’ Severide shot to his aide.

‘’I have one, it just doesn’t work right now.’’ Matt sighed as Kelly took the knife from him, cutting the pancakes in bite sized chunks for him. Matt didn’t protest, as much as he didn’t like it, he knew arguing with Kelly about it would only lead to frustration. Taking a piece on his fork, he started to eat it, his jaw immediately protesting as he was chewing and he gave up after the one chunk.

His hair was falling into his face, having grown long after the nearly 4 months it had not been cut, not before Peru and especially not after his fall.

He let out an annoyed sigh, Kelly looking up as he was struggling with the hair that was much longer than he was used to.

‘’I can try and braid it.’’ He teased Matt a little.

‘’As if you know how to braid.’’ Matt huffed.

‘’I have a younger sister-  half-sister.’’ Kelly teased some more as he put the smoothie down.

‘’Whom you didn’t know until she came crashing into your life at the ripe age of 29.’’ Matt said as he picked up the smoothie, which was a lot easier on his jaw than trying to eat the pancakes with his barely healed jaw.

‘’Yeah so-‘’

‘’You thought she was your dad’s mistress.’’ Matt started to chuckle, suddenly remembering the whole situation with Katie.

‘’Hey – that is just-‘’ Kelly wanted to argue but he was so glad to Matt laugh, even if it was about something as silly as him mistaking his half sister for his dads mistress. Smiling a bit as he saw Matt laugh for the first time since seeing him leave to Lima, he let him have the laugh over him. Matt was trying to get ahold of himself, not sure why he suddenly found it so funny, maybe because it took his mind of his own misfortune. But as soon as he spotted his own reflection in the silver bowl on the table Kelly used for his keys.

Self-conscious he laid his hand over his mouth, reminded again of his missing teeth.

‘’Hey- what is wrong?’’ Kelly asked concerned as he saw Matt’s face change into sadness again.

‘’Nothing.’’ Matt mumbled as he kept on drinking the smoothie, not wanting to talk about it.

 

* * *

 

Barely two hours later, he laid in the MRI at Lakeshore. It was oddly comforting to be back in a familiar hospital after spending the last ten weeks in a strange hospital, abroad.

‘’How are you holding up in there Matt?’’ The doctor asked.

‘’All good.’’ Matt answered.

‘’Alright, I am going to need you to hold your breath for about ten seconds so we can get a good look at your ribs and lung.’’

Matt abided, and finally, after almost 45 minutes he was taken out of the machine to a recovery bed, as he had been given a sedative for the MRI.

Kelly was sitting beside him.

‘’I really need to go to the toilet.’’ Matt admitted.

‘’I’ll ask a nurse.’’

‘’No.’’

‘’What do you want me to do then, get you a bottle?’’ Kelly hissed softly, not sure what Matt wanted as they didn’t have much of a choice.

‘’No.’’

‘’So what do you want?’’ Kelly asked a bit desperate, wanting to help him but not sure how.

‘’I don’t know! For life to be normal I guess.’’ Matt said embarrassed, not sure what to say. He figured Kelly carrying him to the toilet wouldn’t fare well with the nurses and he knew if he asked him he would probably be cathetered again, something he promised himself would never happen again to him again after Peru.

‘’I’ll hold it.’’

‘’Matt-‘’

‘’Stop it.’’ Matt said, and before they could argue any further the doctor walked up to them and pulled a stool closer, sitting down.

‘’I wish I could give you a treatment plan right now Matt, but I am going to need to consult with some other doctors about parts of your recovery.’’ He said. ‘’But the scans look good.’’

‘’You can fix me?’’ Matt asked unsure, the insecurity in his voice hurting Matt.

‘’I promise you everything is going to work out.’’

‘’Giving you a headache am I?’’ Matt asked as he looked at the large folder the doctor was carrying and he wondered if that was his full medical file from his whole life, or just from now.

‘’Your case is very complicated and it is going to be a long recovery. But you are getting back on those ladders.’’ The doctor promised him.

Matt nodded, content with the news for now.  

‘’Ehm, I took a pretty hard knock to the head, do I need to be concerned about the crack in my skull?’’ The one form the previous head injury?’’ Matt asked, Kelly looking a bit surprised.

‘’I don’t think so, but if it gives you peace of mind we can do a scan to be sure.’’

Kelly full expected him to say no to that offer, as he always said no to help that was offered to him.

‘’Yes, I think that would be good.’’ Matt answered and Kelly was surprised, not sure what Matt was so concerned about.

He didn’t prod him for an answer though as they waited for Matt to be cleared to leave. It was a hassle to get him back in the car, and Kelly wasn’t sure how they were going to keep doing this. As he drove to the exit of the parking lot and ready to put his ticket in the machine to drive out, he heard Matt getting chocked up.  

‘’I wish that I had never gone to Peru.’’ Matt admitted, tears filling his eyes. Before Kelly could say anything, he started sob.

Not sure what to do, Kelly moved a bit closer to Matt as much as he could in the car.

‘’I know, I know.’’ Was all he managed to mumble as he laid his hand on the side of Matt’s face. Cupping his face in his hands, he kissed Matt on his forehead, pulling him against him as he let him sob.

‘’I regret ever letting you go there. Fuck – I couldn’t have known, you couldn’t have known but I regret letting you go there.’’ Kelly said softly as he caressed over Matt’s back.

‘’You are the strongest person I know, you dad and mum…losing Hallie…the divorce. I know you will get through this.’’ Kelly kept on talking to him, kissing him top of his head as he was holding him. He could imagine how hard it was for Matt to look up against the mountain he seemed to be facing to get back on his feet and back to work.

Matt’s sobbing didn’t stop and the car behind them began to honk.

‘’Matt, I gotta start driving okay?’’ Kelly said, one hand still around Matt as he shifted the gear and started driving after putting the ticket in. Pulling over straight after the gate, he stopped the car again. As his car was an old timer, he wasn’t able to drive it with one hand.

‘’It would have been better if I had died in that ravine.’’ Matt suddenly mumbled softly.

‘’Don’t say that, don’t ever say that.’’ Kelly said upset, pulling him even closer against him. ‘’I love you so much, and I can’t even think of living without you. I am so happy to have you here with me, home.’’

His voice was breaking now as well, not able to contain the tears either.

Neither of them knew what to say, but Kelly knew Matt’s recovery was going to be a lot more than just the physical part.


End file.
